Because this time 3 years ago I didn't know what a blog was! I remember standing at the island in the kitchen Googling "What is a blog?" And I still didn't get it! No matter what Wikipedia or Google had to say, it just didn't make all that much sense to me. "An on-line journal?" I thought. I know what's in my night-stand journal and I can't imagine that anyone would enjoy reading that! And did I want people to read it?
"And how come it's called a 'blog?' Why isn't it simply a website? How are they different?" Yes - I was an idiot, because I didn't get it. Friends tried to explain it. They encouraged me to try it. But I continued to clutch at my on-line ignorance, also refusing to get on Facebook or Tweet to anyone. I claimed I didn't need these things in my life and that more importantly: I didn't have time. I believed that "some day" I would figure out the perfect schedule that finally allowed me to keep my house clean, play with my children, go to bed at a decent hour, have sex with my husband on a regular basis and sit down and write the great American novel. But at the time - there was no time.
Then I realized that 3 years had gone by and my house still wasn't clean regularly, I didn't always play with my children when they wanted me to, I was still staying up too late, my husband had to settle for what he could get, and there was no novel in the works.
It was time. It was time to stop procrastinating. It was time to stop waiting for the perfect time. It was time to do something. Anything. And I realized that I had a lot to say. I needed to write. And I wanted people to read it. And I might want someone to respond (the biggest difference I could determine between a blog and a website!)
So I Googled again. And Google walked me through it. Step by step until I was sitting in front of the computer, sweating, and I was suddenly writing my first post. Just like that.
And now I must keep blogging: (I still wonder if I'm using the terminology correctly. My on-line know-how is limited and comical for most on-lookers.)
1.) I blog because I want to write. I don't have advice to offer, information to share, or a cause to fight for. My blog is still a huge work in progress that I'm still figuring out. I want to post more creative writing, but because so much of what I create is still in pieces in my head, it seems odd to put it out there for someone to read when it isn't complete. And yet, when I think about writing, the musings, stories, thoughts and opinions I have are actually the secondary subjects that I want to express. It is the creative stories that I want to write. But maybe I have to be here on a regular basis to get there. My path to the New York Times Bestseller List has already been a long and arduous one, not to be circumvented now by a sudden burst of inspiration and motivation. Again, for now I write what I know.
2.) I blog for Miranda. Where else could I comment about how beautiful my 6-year old daughter was this past Halloween, dressed as a bride? I never thought my breath would catch at seeing one of my children in a costume. Even Ed paused as she entered the room, saying, "A snippet into the future, huh?" She was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen, and she wasn't even engaged, or telling time on an analog clock yet. There is something about your own daughter in a wedding gown. I can barely remember what my own wedding gown looks like, but I will remember how Miranda looked in that Halloween dress.
3.) I blog for Kendra. Her diet for the first 4 1/2 years was the same as Miranda's: peanut-free. Not because she was allergic, but because I was afraid that she would be allergic. If Miranda didn't eat it, then neither did Kendra. There were a few exceptions, like plain M&M's, for example. But never the peanut ones. Then I realized that I was probably making her susceptibility worse by taking so long to introduce the pesky legume to her. So the day after Halloween we sat at the table while she ate the Peanut M&M's that I had removed from Miranda's loot. And for a full 20 minutes I was PANICKED. My heart raced while I watched her, checked her torso repeatedly for the manifestation of hives, and asked her to tell me stories non-stop so I could listen for changes in her speech. A swelling tongue and tightening throat would make it difficult for her to regale me with anecdotes.
And yet she was fine. She didn't really like the M&M's, but she didn't have a reaction, either. I was simply nervous for the next 20 minutes. And then I was able to forget that she was exposed to a possibly deadly piece of candy. Until bedtime. When I PANICKED again, thinking that there would be a latent reaction that would seize her in her sleep and I would never know about it until it was too late. I watched her sleep soundly, cursing myself for not putting the motion-sensor monitor I still owned, under her mattress before she went to bed. I checked on her every couple of minutes until I went to bed, heart still racing. Thinking the whole time that I was a bad mother because after all - would it be soo bad to live life peanut-free? Why hadn't I left well-enough alone? And yet she was fine in the morning.
4.) I blog for light bulbs. After having an energy conservation specialist come out to our house and change EVERY light bulb in the house, complimentary, both inside and out (O.K. except for 3) with compact fluorescent bulbs, I finally know why they save so much energy: because they're so damn bright and annoying you can't wait to shut them off! Who wants to live in The Home Depot?! You'll turn on as few as necessary, turning them off as quickly as possible, NEVER leaving them "burning hot in a room," as my dad used to say. You can't help but save electricity when you're living with only 1 light on for 10 minutes.
5.) I blog for my children's dental history. I mean, what am I supposed to do with all of these baby teeth that keep coming out of my children's heads?! How many little envelopes, pieces of paper and jewelry pouches can I possibly stuff into the bottom of my jewelry box with the notes on which tooth it is and how it came out? How long do I save them and when will it be O.K. to...throw them out?! Does a mother do that?!
And I will blog to try some of the poetry that seems to pop up now and then in my head. I will blog about a few of the stories I hope to develop. I will blog about my life, my fears, my hopes, my pet peeves and anything else that drives my fingers to my Waterman pen or this keyboard.
But I'm still not joining Facebook. Or Twitter. I'll continue to leave that to more knowledgeable folks.
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