There is a very real possibility that Sturbridge will have full-day kindergarten this fall. That means that Kendra will have to go from three half school days to five full school days with the break of summer. She loves to learn and so far, she loves school. She can't wait to ride the bus with her sister and brother. She is excited to start kindergarten and hopes that once she is in school she will have the same teachers that Jakob and Miranda have had. Her patience while I attend to two older children in need of homework help, play dates, and after school snacks, along with her enthusiasm to learn what the other two are learning in school, invigorates my desire to have her in school more often. I'm sure she can handle it.
I used to think that full-day kindergarten was a no-brainer. When Jake was in kindergarten the school sent home a questionnaire over winter break asking parents, if full-day had been available, would we have wanted it. They asked us to list the pros and cons of full-day kindergarten. I was all for it. I would have wanted it. I found no cons. And then they never mentioned it again.
Until the "new school" rhetoric began. Then, the carrot that was dangled for many of us to agree to "up" our taxes for a new addition and renovation to the school, was that the new building could "accommodate full-day kindergarten." There were no guarantees that there would be full-day kindergarten, but the $46+ million-dollar building project they wanted voters to agree upon could "accommodate full-day kindergarten." Currently Sturbridge is the only school in Union 61 that doesn't have full-day kindergarten. Similarly sized communities in Massachusetts have already gone the full-day route. The current economy and housing market aside, Sturbridge must assess the many facets that future home-buyers consider when deciding on a town for their home. High school graduation rates and MCAS scores are not the only educational priority. It all starts with kindergarten. So, I voted yes. I voted for higher taxes. I voted for my child to go to school for over 7 hours, including the bus ride.
I'm having voter's remorse.
I will miss Kendra when she goes to school. We have spent the last five years perfecting our day. When she was a baby, she hung out in a bouncy seat while I played with Miranda. She spent time with my mom when Miranda went to pre-school and I went to the "Y" to workout. We ran errands together while Miranda went to 1/2-day kindergarten. Kendra would wait patiently each day for Miranda to come home. Sometimes she wanted to play with me, but most days she was "a mother's dream," content to play by herself, asking to do play dough at the kitchen table, biding her time until her playmate got off of the bus. I watched as my two girls grew from just being siblings to being best friends.
Then Miranda started first grade full-time. And this year Kendra wants to be with me. We have our morning ritual: tea and toast for her, coffee and a bagel for me. She stands at the counter on a chair and we butter together, stir in our sugar together, and sip together. And when she's done, she asks to do her thing. I always say yes. She sets up her game, takes her place by Jazz on the couch and she plays Mario Bros. on the Wii for a few minutes. Then she asks me to join her. I suck, but I play anyway. And after I've lost my biggie, wasted my ice, and killed off 7 or 8 of Yellow Toad's lives, we are done. Then it's time for her to get ready for school, for us to go outside, or play Dora Candy Land, or for us to clean something together, or run some errands.
My house is much less organized and regularly cleaned this year, despite the fact that I have more time "to myself" than in years past. Because I finally get it. It took three kids, but I finally get it. I am a stay-at-home Mom because I wanted to be with my kids. NOT because I wanted to clean my house. Yes, it saved child-care dollars for me to be home, but I've never really thought about the actual salary that I let go in deciding to stay home. I'd like to believe that we have saved money. When I feel those times that I just wish we had a little bit more, I wonder how much we have actually saved. But again - I stayed home to be with our children. It wasn't about the money.
And so this year, with Kendra in school three half days (is two hours and 40 minutes really a half day?!) I finally spent time WITH Kendra. We have spent more quality time together than I have had the honor to do with my other two. The fact that she is an especially agreeable child has only made it all that much easier. I realized that although I could tell her that Mommy needed to get some things done and she would understand, smile, and run off to keep herself busy, it was that exact attitude that commanded my attention. She deserves my time because I have it NOW. Regardless of full-day or half-day kindergarten, neither of us will have this time much longer. And she won't always want to spend her time with me.
The expression that "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone," was not a sentiment that I wanted to live when it came to being home with my children. I can safely say that when this time of my life has passed, that I used at least some of my time, my Kendra-time, wisely. Yet, I know that I will always be harder on myself than anyone else will. My children were not relentlessly plopped in front of the television while I surfed the 'net, slept in, or scrubbed my floors. Oh, yes there were the PBS, Disney and Nickelodeon babysitters when things did need to get done, but we played, visited, danced and painted on a regular basis, as well. It was OUR time, and hopefully all of us will look back and be thankful that we had it together.
Like labor, diaper bags, and sleepless nights, school transitions come and go. But as much as we are excited to move on from theses stages, (into what we perceive to be easier times,) reflecting back is done with a bit of whimsy and nostalgia. The look back is never as painful, aggravating or tedious as it was when we lived it. I couldn't wait for all of my children to be in school together because I thought it would make all of our lives easier. Everyone in the same place, not collecting children at 2 or 3 different times of the day from sometimes 3 different places. Kendra is my baby and if all continues to go as planned, she will remain the baby of the family. My baby is not a baby anymore, and there are no more babies to come. We are transitioning out of a phase of life that affects our whole family.
So I'm sure that I will go to the Town Meeting on June 6, 2011 and wait to raise my hand as a "yay" vote for the school budget that supports full-day kindergarten. I will do it because I feel that it is the necessary step our school system must take to continue to be competitive in the academic arena. I will do it because I do believe that it is a positive step in Kendra's education. I will vote for my child to leave me just a little bit sooner. But I won't vote "yes" because I want more time for myself or because it makes my life easier. And just like I've done 2 times before, I will cry as I wave goodbye to the bus on the first day of school.
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