My Obsession

I obsess about a lot of things. I rarely make a decision without second, triple and possibly quadruple-guessing if the decision I “made” is the right one. I obsess over my skin and how bad it looks. I obsess over my butt and how it has finally transformed in my fifties to an ass that I never thought I would have:  mostly non-existent and much smaller than I would like it to be. My underwear always matches my outfit. Sometimes I need to be clever about color combinations or the subtle hue of a part of a design on my t-shirt to make it work, but yes:  always. I check that the garage bay doors are closed before I go to bed. I always check twice, and sometimes three times, if the kids or Ed are still up. (They have been known to go outside to a vehicle and not shut the door behind them when they came back in.) I hate crumbs on my kitchen counter and will wipe down the counter no less than three times per day. If there has been a lot of sandwich making or pasta eating (the parmesan cheese!), I’m wiping it down an additional time. I don’t think that I have a clinical version of the affliction, but I have self-diagnosed myself with my own version of OCD. I admit it (half the solution to the problem, so I hear) and I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s just part of who I am.


Most of the things I obsess about I recognize that most other people would not obsess about them and I accept that they are my own “downfall.” Mine and mine alone to wrestle with, conquer (hopefully) and relive. But there are things that I don’t understand why other people don’t obsess about them. Some just seem like a no-brainer. Clearly obvious.


Like bad breath.


I am obsessed with not having bad breath in public. I can’t be positive that I am always successful, but I can tell you that I am always obsessing over whether it is plaguing me and whether I should be trying to correct a simple case of chronic halitosis. I keep Listerine Strips in a cute holder on my key ring so that whenever I am out in my car, I will always have a source of fresh breath. There is almost always a pack of gum in my car. There is almost always a pack of gum in the buffet drawer in my kitchen. There is always a pack of gum in my desk drawer. There is a packet of Listerine Strips in the pocket of every. Coat. Or. Jacket. I. Own.

Seriously.


I’m that obsessed with not having bad breath.


So for those of you not obsessed alongside me, I offer you these simple, basic, daily “situations” to get you thinking about your own oral scent:


If you’ve finished your morning coffee (or afternoon latte, there really is no discriminating here) more than an hour ago and you haven’t had anything else to eat or drink:  you have bad breath.


Similarly, as much as chocolate is sweet and decadent, if you ate it over an hour ago:  you have bad breath.


If you’ve eaten onions, garlic, fish or pasta:  you have bad breath.


If you got up this morning and didn’t brush your teeth:  you have bad breath.


If you drank orange juice this morning:  you have bad breath.


If you’ve had a glass of milk, yogurt, ice cream, or anything else dairy-concentrated:  you have bad breath.


If you’ve had a glass of chocolate milk:  you have bad breath.


If you’ve had several cocktails and any kind of alcohol-induced snack:  you have bad breath.


If you drank until you couldn’t see clearly, can’t remember how you got home, or don’t remember who took your clothes off, even if you brush your teeth twice in the morning:  you have bad breath.


If you’ve had just one beer:  you have bad breath.


If you haven’t had anything to eat or drink in the last two hours:  you have bad breath.


It’s unfortunate that so many things that taste great going down leave a horrible scent in our mouths that we can unwittingly share with people near us. Or the person six feet away from us. But those delicious foods and beverages do leave our mouths with a nasty, lingering odor. For some the odor is brief and only requires a nice glass of water to reset the palate. For others a breath mint or gum, in addition to the water, is required. And still for others, whether it’s the nature of the food beast (usually onions and garlic), personal DNA or the combination of both, a good teeth brushing and maybe even some mouthwash will be in order to truly correct the situation.


In any case, please be mindful. And join me in my obsession. Please. Because trust me, those of us taking stock in Listerine and Orbitz shouldn’t be the only ones fighting the bad breath fog. It’s a fight we can all join and make a difference.