Reasons vs. Excuses

Fine lines around my eyes and mouth put up a great fight against the alpha hydroxy acid in my moisturizer. Fine Lines in Fiskdale, Massachusetts builds quality wood furniture, made to order. And fine lines exist between two similar things that ultimately show themselves to be different just by teetering to one side of that familiar line.

Reasons and excuses are two sides of the same coin. They explain why something “is,” offering a cause and effect analysis as well as the relationship between two or several things. Reasons and excuses give us answers. They provide knowledge, insight and depth of understanding. They also provide an “out,” a stepping away from responsibility and not addressing the reality of the situation at hand. Reasons and excuses don’t just give us an answer to our query, they provide the foundation upon which we will either accept the status quo, pursue more information, or distance ourselves from the situation that has presented itself.

There is a reason that using pot holders to remove a boiling pot of water from the stove is a good kitchen habit and also a potentially life-saving safety practice. There is a reason why I need to get at least seven and half hours of sleep every night. There is a reason the Patriots practice several days during the week before their one game on Thursday, Sunday or Monday. Most people would find it difficult to argue the reasons that these activities make sense and are deemed necessary.

Excuses, on the other hand, look like reasons, but they play out much differently. If I arrive late to a doctor’s appointment because there was traffic, that very well could be a valid reason. If I arrive late to all of my doctor’s appointments, with or without traffic, that “reason” has developed the very distinct odor of an excuse. The reason why I am late, repetitively, to doctor’s appointments is because I don’t plan properly and I walked out the door too late to arrive at the scheduled time. The reason is poor planning. The excuse is traffic, or my kids weren’t cooperating, or I forgot something and had to turn around. Or any other litany of things. But in the end, they are all excuses, not reasons, for my tardiness.

That last sentence is telling. Right in that sentence you will find the changing characteristic as to what separates reasons from excuses:  the word “but.” It inevitably precedes excuses and negates the honesty of the reason. A good friend once told me, “Anything after the ‘but’ is bullshit.” “I left on time but then there was an accident on the MA Pike.” “I know I should have practiced my free-throws yesterday, but it was cold outside and I was tired.” “I always use pot holders to take something off the stove, but this one time I thought it would be OK…”

 Reasons follow factual presentation. They unearth the challenge within, simplifying the solution and laying to rest any confusion. Reasons don’t always resolve a conflict, although they often quell the anxiety that plagues a person in search of understanding. A reason establishes a set of understandable and acceptable boundaries and expectations. Reasons are not easily arguable. We all know a time when someone has exclaimed, “Stop making excuses!” No one ever demands, “Stop determining reasons!” 

Excuses are usually easily seen and sniffed out. They bare the resemblance to a reason, but they lack the immediacy, importance and luster of a reason. Instead, excuses are dulled with a thin varnish of untruth and they are ablaze with irresponsibility. Excuses scream, “It’s not my fault!” all the while attempting to point blame at someone else. Excuses rarely make the person we are disappointing feel respected or appreciated. Excuses in place of reasons are vague and dishonest at best. At their core they are cover-ups for the cowardice within that refuses to accept accountability for not having behaved in a polite, efficient, sensitive or culpable manner.

In their essence, the goal of each act is determined in its origin. With reason we find intellect, motive, analysis, and rationale. A reason is an “intellectual faculty that adopts actions to ends.” Excuse literally means to attempt to clear from blame.

Most of us undoubtedly want more reasons in our lives, and fewer excuses, regardless of whether we are offering them or receiving them. Our conscious is lighter when we can honestly assess and offer a reason. Ironically, by avoiding the responsibility that a reason places upon us, our excuse weighs us down with the prolonged uncertainty of trust breeding with doubt.

Draw another line – the fine kind in the sand – and make the coin flip more to the reason side and less to the excuse side. Don’t leave it to chance. Place that coin down on the table and decide to search for, evaluate and deliver more reason into your life. Take one instance at a time and let the excuses fall away. Ironically, you can reserve them for the truly excusable things in life, like burping or farting in front of other people. But don’t blame the dog. That’s one excuse that is too easily sniffed out.