Dress Code

Wednesday night is date night with Ed. We started this new tradition in our lives in October 2020. Except for three separate weeks when we rescheduled due to a family situation and then couldn’t keep the date for the week, and one week when Ed was out of town, we have managed to keep our commitment to each other week after week.

I put a lot of effort into my wardrobe for date night. I like to look good for myself, but also for Ed. Maybe even more for Ed. I know there are some feminists out there that would like to call me on that, but I don’t have a problem wanting to be physically attractive for my husband, especially during the times that we have devoted to just the two of us.

Date night for me is a series of events. First we decide where we will go and then I decide on an appropriate outfit. It’s about enjoying the feel of that outfit as it puts me in a psychological frame of mind to focus on my marriage, and it’s about the actual time I spend connecting with my husband. Some people dress for success. I dress for date night.

Last week as we were seated at our table at The Sole Proprietor in Worcester, I lamented to Ed.

“Why doesn’t anyone dress for dinner anymore?” My complaint was met with a swift, “I’m sorry I didn’t put on more than a sweater.”

“Not you,” I acquiesced. “You look nice:  pants, a sweater, and shoes.” Then I discreetly nodded my head in the direction of at least three tables near us.

“I mean the people in jeans, sweats and sneakers. Dirty sneakers,” I sneered.

Ed just looked at me with his “You poor, neurotic soul. I hope you find your way out of this anxiety-inducing situation because it really doesn’t make a difference to me” face.

So I quickly relaxed. I took note of myself. I put myself in check.

“Well, I’m going to continue to dress for dinner,” I stated proudly. “Because it’s what I like to do. I like to get dressed up to go out and I’m going to keep doing it.”

“There you go!” Ed smiled.

So how come other people don’t dress to go out anymore?

When I was growing up we didn’t go out to dinner often. It was a rare outing that was mostly reserved for special occasions. Occasionally there was a random dinner outing, and then it was even more special. I would think, "It’s not Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or someone’s birthday, and we get to order from a menu that isn’t printed in fluorescent lights hung up on the wall above the fry-o-later? Whoo-hoo! Let’s get dressed!"

My parents made us dress for dinner. We never went to a restaurant in jeans, shorts, dirty sneakers or anything that wasn’t considered “dressy” or appropriate to wear to a wedding. Going out to eat with my parents when we were in elementary school meant wearing a dress or a skirt and top, tights, and shoes. In high school we were allowed to wear nice “slacks,” as my mom called them, but still no sneakers. Shoes. Un-scuffed, shoes. Sometimes it meant borrowing something from my sisters, or even my mom, to find an outfit worthy of dining out. But there was never an allowance for an inappropriate outfit.

Similarly, my grandparents impressed upon us the need to dress appropriately when we were out in public. My grandmother believed in dressing “smartly” and the outfit you wore when you left the house made an impression upon others and told people something about you. She believed that you dressed for dinner and for travel. My grandmother made me an outfit specifically for my first flight on an airplane. I was ten years old, flying to California with her and my grandfather to visit family. She made me a denim wrap-around skirt and a buttery-yellow, short sleeve shirt. She bought me brand new sandals and I also picked out my first pocket book. (My mom was cleaning out closets last fall during Covid and found my old purse. It was finally time to put it in the trash.) My grandmother didn’t believe that it was appropriate for people to dress casually on an airplane. She believed that people should take pride in their wardrobe as they headed off to places away from home. She was quick to point out the matching track suits of several couples who boarded our plane out of New York, ensuring that I knew just what she meant when she said some things were not meant to be worn by a respectable traveler.

I love deciding on a fun outfit for a ride on an airplane, especially if I am travelling with Ed. It helps to spur my excitement for long hours seated on a scratchy, germ-infested woolen seat cover. I like knowing that when I disembark from the aircraft that I am ready to go:  to lunch or dinner, to the bar for cocktails, or straight to an event. What I choose to wear on an airplane, or even a car-ride to a fun destination, helps keep my mind focused on the activities ahead.

Studies have shown that work-from-home people are more efficient, focused and productive if they change out of their pajamas before heading to their home-office or kitchen table. At first it may seem really cool to have an extra hour of sleep. Some feel fortunate to roll out of bed and not have to shower and stress about an outfit. But over time, that relaxed frame of mind is a detriment to concentration, motivation, and accomplishment. To “Dress for Success” applies whether you leave the house or not.

Your wardrobe isn’t just about the big events of your life. It isn’t just about the weddings, anniversaries, milestone birthdays, engagements and client-building meetings. Your wardrobe is a reflection of you and it helps spark the frame of mind that you want – or need – in any given situation. What you wear catapults you to your jumping off point of every event in which you engage.

So dress for success. And dinner. And travel. Dress like you mean business, even when your business is all about 100% fun, love and filling your belly.